- “Hey, Tony Jaa, you want to come wail on some people?” “Yeah, OK.”
- I have no idea what Djimon Hounsou’s deal was other than being a generic terrorist baddie who’s not as cool as Jason Statham (actually, I think that’s it), but he nailed the look of terrified incredulity you’d have if The Rock were coming at you with a machine gun.
- Female hacker without a romance subplot. FEMALE HACKER WITHOUT A ROMANCE SUBPLOT.
- Did you see in the trailer how The Rock prepares for a fight scene by flexing his bicep and literally exploding out of a cast? Worth the price of admission right there.
- The bit with the bus and cars falling out of planes is one of the best action sequences in recent years. There’s a downside there, because it’s the first setpiece of the movie and none of the subsequent ones come anywhere close, but this is an amazing list, not a bummer list.
- Paul Walker’s send-off was perfect and it will make you misty.
- Iggy Azalea’s cameo was hilarious. Unintentionally so, but hilarious. (Notes Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan: “the sound of her voice literally makes Michelle Rodriguez want to punch someone.”)
- Speaking of punchings, Michelle Rodriguez has now fought Gina Carano and Ronda Rousey in back-to-back Furious movies. Best fight, hands down.
- Ludacris gets to punch a dude!
- The Rock gets to punch a lot of dudes!
- Jason Statham’s baddie popping up wherever our heroes are like a demented British whack-a-mole.
- “Cars can’t fly.” Oh-ho-ho, Paul Walker, can’t they?!
- Kurt Russell’s obsession with Belgian ale.
- Can Roman (Tyrese Gibson) and Tej (Ludacris) do an Odd Couple-style sitcom together? Please?
- Vin Diesel going to battle in a long john top.
- You can’t see it well here, but Ronda Rousey has glittery gold makeup along the part of her hair. It is stupid and I love it.
- Vin Diesel–emotional mushmuffin. Michelle Rodriguez–stone-cold brooder.
- The Abu Dhabi building jump. Insanity.
In case this title is less than accurate and I missed some amazing things (I AM NOT A GOD), feel free to leave them in the comments.