I really like Dustin’s post from last week defending the Full House reboot on the grounds that live-action shows for tykes are all shit anyway, and at least with Fuller House parents will have some cultural reference point for the shit their kids are watching. He said it better, but, y’know, I’m here to write about hair.
But I also really hate that post, because it made me wonder how many of my youthful TV favorites were actually, legitimately good, as opposed to me just thinking they’re good because I’ve been blinded by my nostalgia. Having a somewhat obsessive personality (my therapist told me so), I decided to watch an episode each of most of the live action shows I loved when I was in single digits to see which of them hold up now that I am a mature, sophisticated motherfucker. For science. Oh, the things I put myself through.
Ranked from “shoot me in the face” to “I knew there was a reason I loved Nickelodeon,” we have:
Full House, “Our Very First Show”
I wanted to kill myself while watching this, but not as much as you can tell Bob Saget wanted to kill himself while filming it. Was the acting always this wooden? How did I forget that John Stamos’ original Jesse voice was “The Fonz Lite”? How did we, as a nation, cope with Joey for EIGHT. FUCKING. SEASONS? That scene where Joey and Jesse, two grown men who can’t figure out how to change a diaper (hyuk hyuk hyuk), use a cooking pot as a changing table is actually pretty fucking gross, right? The episode ends with the family bursting into a rendition of the “Flintstones” theme song. Let me die.