Pixels Is This Summer’s Unsung Masterpiece

*…of shit. Master-piece of shit. Hey, I had to see Pixels. Let me engage in a bit of levity to try and counteract the psychological trauma.

Pixels is a good movie in the same way:
*Adam Sandler really is “pro-Indian.”
*The Confederate flag is about heritage, not hate.
*Gawker is a bastion of journalistic integrity.
*Cindy has a Goop shrine in her bedroom.

I just fucking can’t with this movie. The premise of it—that we sent a video game time capsule up into space in the ’80s, but aliens take it the wrong way and challenge us to a series of real-life video game death matches—is fine. I’d want to see that if it were directed by a Guillermo del Toro or a George Miller, or anyone else but a Chris “the twoHarry Potter movies most people don’t want to admit actually sucked” Columbus. (The man’s Home Alone and Mrs. Doubtfire days—fuck, even his Rent days—are far behind him.)

Read the rest at Pajiba.


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