Hey, Universal. What’s up? You’ve had a really good year so far with Jurassic World,Straight Outta Compton, Pitch Perfect 2, Trainwreck and Furious 7, but if you could take a second away from Scrooge McDucking into a swimming pool full of money, I’d really appreciate it.
What the diddly dipping shit is wrong with you?
Did Guillermo del Toro kick your dog?
You had a really good movie out this week, Universal. It’s called Crimson Peak, and it flopped, because you suck. You took a Gothic romance and made trailers for it that presented it as a generic horror film, and then you stand there all Kevin McAllister-in-Home-Alone-face when people go to a movie that they reasonably expect to be scary… and it’s not scary.