Hi, I’m Rebecca. I’m writing a review of Allegiant, the third of four films in that YA franchise that tried to be the next Hunger Games, only no one gave a shit. No, notThe Mortal Instruments or Beautiful Creatures. This is the one that didn’t get cancelled. Divergent and Insurgent weren’t good. Allegiant is less good. Make it stahhhhhp.
I’m tempted to fill this review with pictures of paint drying. That is the extent to which Nobody Gives a Shit About The Divergent Series, a YA dystopia series based on books by Veronica Roth and oh my fucking God. No. No. I can’t. Are you even reading this? Why are you reading this? Why is anyone reading this? I’m pretty sure Veronica Roth’s own mother doesn’t care about the Divergent franchise at this point. I’m diggity damn sure Shailene Woodley doesn’t, because her energy level is at negative two throughout this entire movie. “What’s happened to my career?,” you can imagine her thinking. “I was going to be the next Jennifer Lawrence. People said I should have gotten an Oscar nomination for The Descendants. Why did the universe skip me and go right to Brie Larson? Was it the thing about sunbathing my vagina?”