50 Shades of Grey might have been disappointing in just how bland and mediocre it was (c’mon, where was the infamous communist manifesto line?), but it did give us one moment of shining, beautiful bad movie glory in a wooden, hating-every-second-of-his-life Jamie Dornan delivering the line “I’m fifty shades of fucked up.” It’s an accurate descriptor of the movie as a whole in addition to making no sense at all. “Fifty shades of __” isn’t something people really say.
So when I caught 50 Shades of Grey parody 50 Shades of Black, crafted in the illustrious tradition of other Marlon Wayans vehicles A Haunted House, Scary Movie, and Dance Flick, I knew it would be bad, but I didn’t know if there’d be anything quite awful enough to live up to “I’m fifty shades of fucked up“‘s legacy. That line was supposed to be serious. The following 27 lines are supposed to be funny. I’ll let you make the call.